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Thursday, 2 May 2013

it's just the beginning

In a recent post I wrote that I don't like talking about home decor, or posting pretty pictures, and I don't have time for homemade tortillas (or something to that effect). But I need to be honest with you here.

>> I wish I could talk about home decor. But, the truth is, I'm not in a position right now to be decorating my home.
>> I wish I could post pretty pictures, and dream of the day when we can buy a digital SLR and I can even learn how to use it. But that is years, maybe even decades away (maybe we won't have cameras and we'll just need to blink to take a picture).
>> I wish I had time to make more homemade meals, and trust me, I'm working on it. I'd love to taste a delicious homemade tortilla, it was even on my to-do list this week (but it never ended up happening).

I can honestly say that some days I wish for these things. And that's okay.

But I'm 23. I've been married two years. I'm just at the beginning of the "little years", and those years will be long and all-consuming, and ever-refining.

god's word. some paper. and a pen.
it's all I need to keep going.

It's just the beginning for me. I can't look at homes of women that are thirty-five and wish I was there. I can't look at what other people are having for dinner and wish I could do that. I'm not there right now. And that's okay.

I don't want to wish away these years when my daughter needs me and she can't even sleep at night without her mama rubbing her back and singing softly to her. I don't want to wish away the moments when my husband is full of energy and wanting to drive here and there and every where. I don't want to wish away this little house, with the charm, and the bare walls, and the dusty floors...because we were too busy living. 

melt my heart

I want to cling to these moments.
Breathe deep our youthfulness. Our inexperience. Our need to get creative and use our brains.
Our need to pull together, to unite as a family. To cling to one another in hope. joy. love. faith.
Because some days, that's all we have.
And it's always enough.

4 comments:

  1. Hi Brianna,nthese are some great thoughts. It's so important to have that perspective and remember that everyone goes through a journey to get where they are. I'm 32 and married 1.5 years, and we are so blessed to be able to start our married years having more than enough, to own our own home, etc. Sometimes people act really jealous of that, and it bothers me, not because I'm not blessed, but because people forget the years that came before now. When I was 25 and just out of grad school, I was totally on my own, working two jobs to make ends meet; at times was so exhausted that I seriously remember leaving work wishing I would get hit by a car just so I didn't have to get up and do it all again the next day. Then there was the stress of worrying whether this would be my life forever, whether I'd never meet someone to journey together with. My husband similarly worked insane amounts of hours to get through med school and residency without a huge debt load. And though we're so blessed to start our marriage when times are easier, it comes at a cost: Our child-bearing years are half gone. In the end, I try not to compare my life with anyone else's, because I wouldn't change anything; mt journey has made me who I am. The crazy thing is that sometimes I actually miss those hard days, because I learned sooooo much about faith and my dependence on God was so crucial to my day-to-day life.

    They say "Comparison is the thief of joy," and it's so true. Thanks for your thoughtful words!

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    1. thanks for that Maggie! all very true!! :)

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  2. Homemade tortillas take 10 minutes! Just sayin'.

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    1. I get that, but that wasn't the point of the post. In fact, it's the opposite. I;m just trying to say that we only have so much time and resources, and I'm trying to spend mine wisely - doing what works for me and my family. We all need to just do what works for us.

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